Myspace shenanigans

Does anyone still remember myspace? It was like facebook before facebook. I think it was started for bands to reach new fans. The only way I even know I’m still a member is the fact that I get random emails from people that want to be friends. For instance: Today I got a msg from a Ralph requesting I friend him. In the message we find out his name is Ralph Wiggum and he runs some business. Sorry Ralph but I don’t frequent companies named after fictitious characters; especially not the dumbest one on the Simpsons. Now maybe if it was from Hank Scorpio…

Washerboard style

You may or may not know that my friend Catt and I are members of the worldwide auditory phenomenon known only as Bluegrass Deathmetal, and I think I am going to change my instrument from the washboard to my dog Achilles. (Chill out PETA, keep reading) I was watching the Matrix Revolutions, and at the end there is a techno song. I was scratching my dog, and I'll be damned if he didn't start scratching his foot along the carpet. At this precise moment it hit me: he is a living washer board instrument. He sounded just like one, and you could alternate his speed by how fast your scratch him. I really feel like the bluegrass fans will really like him, not only because he reminds them of a wild coyote, but also because he liked to kick ass and drink whiskey. I have also seen him in a bar fight, It was messy.

Fast Food Delicacy or Disaster?

I have seen in my many travels that a plethora of restaurants offer drive through or to-go options of their food; and that is fine. But my friends there are foods that you shouldn't get in a drive through and one of them is sushi. I have see drive through sushi places and I was astounded. 1: Sushi is just rolled up rice and fish in a seaweed leaf. 2: Rice will flop out everywhere and make a large mess. 3: It is very difficult to use chop sticks while driving. Believe me. 4: You may say "Hey Bauman! just use your fingers." Well it is a well known fact that sushi needs to be dipped in the special sauces so that you don't realize you are eating something that swims in it's own feces, and be dipping said sushi in sauce you could get the sauce everywhere as well as limit your ability to drive because of the infamous greasy hand syndrome. Also you could stain your hands the color of the sauce and you would be known around the office as "that guy with the brown finger," and you don't want to be that guy (or girl). Is it a coincidence that there was a car wash facility close to this disaster in a drive through? No I think not.

Hello Pot? This is Kettle

Does anyone else think it is highly ironic that Lars (the drummer from Metallica) asked for a free copy of the Metallica Guitar Hero game? For those of you not making the connection Lars was the one that started the lawsuit against the original Napster for distributing songs for free. Lars is also a multi millionaire. Hmmph.

The Matrix has you

Sometimes when you run around like you are in the matrix, your shoe comes untied and you fall. Lesson learned: don't wear untied shoes

Fun Facts About Beards!

1. When you own a beard you shave less, conserving water and limiting waste.
2. You can give beard burns.™
3. During the winter it's like having a scarf on your face.
4. Girls like beards.
5. You can put pencils or other writing utensils in it if you don't have pockets.
6. You can deflect errant frisbees bent on destruction.
7. Beards make you 63% more likely to win staring contests
8. If you get stuck in a tower, you can braid your beard into a rope and escape. This is known as the beardpunzel manuever.
9. If you fall on your face, your beard is 17% more likely to prevent road rash, and may actually give the road a beard burn; hence gravel.
10. In the 1800's beards were uses as emergency fuel for locomotives. That's the actually the reason why man conductors at the time had long sideburns, and not a full beard.
11. I once saw a beard jump off a man's face, put a gorilla in a head lock, steal it's bananas and then return all before my jaw hit the ground.
12. If you take a core sample from a strand of beard, you will find the exact same composition as a primordial planet. There are rumors that Mount Everest is Earth's goatee.
13. A rope made out of an adult male beard is 32 times as strong as steel. And 1000 times better looking.
14. Japanese ninjas plucked out beard hair and used it as throwing darts. Truth.

Alpha

Hello all, welcome to my little slice of chaos. I'll try to post regularly and hopefully you like my stuff more than you dislike it. Hahah enjoy.